Snowy Goodness

Snowman Mao wants to remind comrades to stay warm while the government controls the weather in an effort to create a more harmonious society. Mao doesn't need to remind laowai about staying warm because they're covered in hair to keep them warm in China's winter.

Literary Minds Think Alike

Chairman Mao made a new friend on his recently investment tour of New York in an effort to buy the Brooklyn Bridge and many more landmarks. Laird Hunt is a great socialist laowai writer in Foreignland.
He was in New York to promoting new book, Ray of the Star. Chairman Mao doesn't know what this laowai literature is all about, but judging from the title, it must be about how wonderful China is after Mao chased away those capitalist roaders.

Everyone Loves a Hummer

Chinese are very happy that they can now go out and get a Hummer at the car dealer. Pretty soon everyone in China will be getting hummers in their homes.

Chairman Mao wants everyone to know that Hummer is and always has been an inseparable part of China. It's how we roll in the 'Jing.

Sports Nation

That's right, all your sports are belong to us.

And here's the proof: Urbananatomy.com

Next Olympic games all your medals are belong to us too.

Happy China Anniversary Everyday!

Nobody throws a party like the Chinese Communist Party.

Chairman Mao was sipping baijiu and watching the glorious and harmonious National Day parade through Tiananmen Square. He really enjoying to watch the gloriousness and harmoniousness of China's 60th birthday since Mao came up with the wonderful idea of creating glorious and harmonious China.

Just like on Americaland's Thanksgiving, China pardons many pigeons from joining dinner settings. But, people rejoice as they have many other delicious animals to choosing from.
On this glorious day, everyone should be remember the important service of the ice cream men.
Not pictured: the group of "other" political party members before they marched back to prison.

And Chairman Mao's personal favorite highlight of the harmonious parade. Only the best soldiers can wear sexy boots in battle.

Wedding Wars

The wedding is a great Chinese tradition that dates back to ancient times when capitalist roaders called emporers ruled great China. In much places the groom is beaten by friends and family to prevent him from ruining his life by marrying a controlling women. These friends and families just want the man to have baijiu and sing karaoke instead. But, man will overcoming these obstacles and marry pretty girl anyway.

In some places, the efforts of friends and family can be brutal. Some grooms have had to call in the PLA for backup. Love is hell.

Chairman Mao supports the bride the groom fighting capitalist roaders on the way to matrimonials. 加油！

For the Students

The new school year will be begin soonly. Chairman Mao agrees that students are the future of Chinese civilization. We must help them succeeding by giving them all we can. Chairman Mao is glad to see hospitals helping out, especially in bad economy climate.

If you show your student ID, this hospital will provide abortions at 50% off the regular price. Bad credit, no credit, no problem.

Eco-Magic

As Chairman Mao has said before, China is at the forefront of ecological conservationary environmentaltarianism. All around China, people are caring about the environment by hugging trees. The newest development in the great 5,000-year-old developing country is the ecological toilet.

Chairman Mao doesn't understand the witchcraft involved in the development of plumbing that goes somewhere, but Hu Jintao has assured me that those pipes do not pollute the mainland (but they might lead to the rebellious island off the east coast).

Let us all enjoy the magicianry of saving the environments.

Harmonious Media Control Mechanism

Everyone knows that China has all the money. Everyone is begging great China to buy out the recession. We are doing our part to maintain harmonious society wherever society exist.

This week China bought America's Finest News Source, The Onion. Chinese like onions. We invented newspapers and onions, so why not buy the newspaper named for both inventions. Now great American newspaper is in the hands of socialists with Chinese characteristics.

All will marvel at China's achievement in newspapery! Chairman Mao, as head of the editorial department, will be a beacon of enlightenment, driving out all the foreign hostility toward China from the "news." We will be fair and balanced in our assessment of all things newsy. We will be the harmonious media control mechanism!

The Secret to Great Tasting Fish

Many laowai thinks China is polluted. But laowai invented pollution and forced their capitalist agenda on great China. Any pollution in China is all laowai's fault--we never had any before opening and reforming brought those devils in. That's why Chairman Mao kept all laowai out of China. But China doesn't really have pollutionary problem today. We still have best tasty fish in the world. And that smell from our rivers only serves to remind us of great stinky tofu (tastes as good as it stinks).

Freedom Days!

Chairman Mao cannot understand why Canadia and Americaland celebrating same freedom from Englandland on two days so close to each other. Why does one country need two freedom celebrations? Strange customs some laowai has.

Here's wishing you happy America everyday!

Economic Recovery

China is at the forefront of economy recoverization in the world. Chairman Mao supports the great efforts of the Communist Party in creating harmonious economics.

As part of our recovery program, we must help other countries so that they may help China's economy. We made advertising deals with world leaders--starting with Obama and our newest BlockBerry technology product. All proceeds from these advertisings will go toward improving China's economy, which will benefit the world when we have enough money to buy everyone.

About Dam Time

Chairman Mao thinking it's about time great Chinese socialism embraces technological advancements like Green Dam. We want to move China toward green economy. This wonderfully technology will help everyone embrace harmoniousness online. We don't want that Western biased news or anything very violent, very yellow (that's why it's green).

There are concerns that there are security risks with this new software. Mao wants to say that these risks are intended so Public Security Bureau can better monitor every user in China to help maintain harmony and socialism with Chinese characteristics.

There are also concerns that Green Dam is pirated code. Mao wants to point out that China doesn't have pirates. We send many navies to Africa to fight pirates from stealing our code. Besides, the computer was invented in China in 1643, and therefore all computer codes are belong to us.

Anniversaries

Today is June 4, 2009.

On this date in Chinese history a lot of things happened. The first solar eclipse occurred in China in in 781 BC, thus proving that China invented the sun and the eclipse. Emporer Huizong died in 1135. As did Zhang Zuolin. Seems a lot of people died on this day.

But no one in China died on this date in 1989.

Not To Steal the Person

This is a public service announcement from the Chairman.

Identity theft is on the raising in China. Please alert the authorities whenever someone tries to steal you in public.
Remembering: Safety frist!