Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Merry New Year

Chairman Mao wants to wish every laowai merry everyday in the happy new year.
The Chairman will be partying with his good friends Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao at his private estate.

Saturday, December 27, 2008


Now that China is finished celebrating Western holiday without religion or tradition, we must get back to business. Chairman Mao has been helping to educating the youth of China with wonderful poetry and nationalism of wonderful China.

Chairman Mao is also very happy that Shanghaiist has found representation of this educational platform worthy of showing to whole world.

Please visit Shanghaiist to watch adorable children of China recite the Chairman's poetry.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Dear Santa

Chairman Mao is anticipating the coming holiday season. Ever since former labor camp volunteer Deng Xiaoping decided China should be open-mindedness to western countries, many Chinese have found other holidays that don't have meaning in 5,000 years history of China. Now days in China, we make all products for laowai Christmas. We make toys, hats, and fake trees.

Many of comrades don't know true meaning of Christmas. Every year some old laowai flies through Chinese airspace, dodges our high technology anti-aircraft missile defense, picks up toys from factories in Shenzhen, and flies to laowai houses all over the world. He even leaves some toys for us Chinese too. I also keep hearing other story about this holiday, but I never found who this Jebus laowai is anyway.

This year, Chairman Mao got his own reindeer and sleigh. Going to deliver Christmas greetings to all laowai in China. I know all laowai in the world celebrate this new holiday.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Poet Mao

In recently times, Chairman Mao made new friend with poet. He's from Vietnam but he's not communist, so he must be a capitalist roader. But, Mao thinks Linh Dinh is nice enough to be praised for poetry. Besides, no poet is true capitalist swine--we all know poets are poorer than farmers. Even Mao was once world-famous poet before becoming great famous leader of China. Linh Dinh and Mao both wrote beautiful poetry together.

I drank moment ago water
Changsha's and ate fish Wuchang.
Now I cross Yangtze River's great,
looks far distance place open day Chu.
Let wind and the very rough sea waves the attack defeats,
goes far beyond stands by strolls in a courtyard.
Today, I felt relieved.
“This is a class host says --
'therefore, the matter escapes gradually!' "
The sail moves wind.
Turtle and Snake still in.
Great plan in march:
Bridge will fly to north the span and south,
talked about the profound fissure to turn the thoroughfare;
Rock head wall the upstream western area
will hinder Wushan's cloud and rain
until the smooth level of the lake rise narrow canyon.
Woman deity's mountain area, if she still existing
can exclaim in surprise in the world, in order to change.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Chairman Orders You

Chairman Mao urges all comrades and foreign devils alike to vote for me. I know this is communism, but some laowai think it good idea to hold democracy in China through little election process to stroke one's ego. Many bloggers in China have poor self image and need reassurances that they aren't worthless. Chairman Mao knows he is great, as is wonderful China. However, Chairman Mao wants to make sure everyone across Chinese-invented magical information Internet super-elevated train to Lhasa mechanism who is still boss of China.

So, go to Chinalyst and tell capitalist swine who is great leader of Internet by clicking little adding sign next to Chairman's blog.

We must defeat the capitalist bloggers! Keep Chinese Internet Communist!