Harmonious Media Control Mechanism

Everyone knows that China has all the money. Everyone is begging great China to buy out the recession. We are doing our part to maintain harmonious society wherever society exist.

This week China bought America's Finest News Source, The Onion. Chinese like onions. We invented newspapers and onions, so why not buy the newspaper named for both inventions. Now great American newspaper is in the hands of socialists with Chinese characteristics.

All will marvel at China's achievement in newspapery! Chairman Mao, as head of the editorial department, will be a beacon of enlightenment, driving out all the foreign hostility toward China from the "news." We will be fair and balanced in our assessment of all things newsy. We will be the harmonious media control mechanism!

The Secret to Great Tasting Fish

Many laowai thinks China is polluted. But laowai invented pollution and forced their capitalist agenda on great China. Any pollution in China is all laowai's fault--we never had any before opening and reforming brought those devils in. That's why Chairman Mao kept all laowai out of China. But China doesn't really have pollutionary problem today. We still have best tasty fish in the world. And that smell from our rivers only serves to remind us of great stinky tofu (tastes as good as it stinks).

Freedom Days!

Chairman Mao cannot understand why Canadia and Americaland celebrating same freedom from Englandland on two days so close to each other. Why does one country need two freedom celebrations? Strange customs some laowai has.

Here's wishing you happy America everyday!