This week China bought America's Finest News Source, The Onion. Chinese like onions. We invented newspapers and onions, so why not buy the newspaper named for both inventions. Now great American newspaper is in the hands of socialists with Chinese characteristics.
All will marvel at China's achievement in newspapery! Chairman Mao, as head of the editorial department, will be a beacon of enlightenment, driving out all the foreign hostility toward China from the "news." We will be fair and balanced in our assessment of all things newsy. We will be the harmonious media control mechanism!