India announced that will use extra-super spicy peppers to fight terrorism. India knows that terrorists can't eat spicy, so this is how they'll know those people are evil.
In response, China will begin weaponizing stinky tofu to combat separatists. All the capitalist roaders and foreign devils can't stand the smell of China's greatest cuisine. We will fill our streets with the stink of tofu freedom and rid the great Communist nation of evil forces.
Stinky tofu is also an effective weapon against vampires and werewolves.
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Friday, January 9, 2009
Panda Feed
China has admitted that the bamboo forests that keep our ancient national animal fat and healthy are dwindling because China has many people. Chairman Mao is very sad about thinning pandas. It is of national pride that we make sacrifices for the great panda of China.
Our solution to the problem is a new panda feeding program. Mao urges all comrades to make a great leap forward over the zoo fence and feed the panda! Panda likes the taste of human flesh.
This is very healthy alternative for cuddly critter panda. Humans are high in protein and only contain trace amounts of Melamine.
Our solution to the problem is a new panda feeding program. Mao urges all comrades to make a great leap forward over the zoo fence and feed the panda! Panda likes the taste of human flesh.
This is very healthy alternative for cuddly critter panda. Humans are high in protein and only contain trace amounts of Melamine.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Secret Chicken Agent
Chairman Mao made a new laowai friend in Guangzhou. Met old foreign colonel who offered some fried chicken from crazy foreign land called Kentucky. I don't know where this Kentucky is, but they grow some tasty chickens there.
After drinking mint juleps in hot Guangdong weather, Chairman Mao could not coax Col. Sanders to hand over state secret recipe for making delicious chicken. Damn the capitalist pigs! Great China will discover secret of chicken and conquer your fast food chain.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Eating the Big Apple
For many days I find I can't eat Chinese food in America. I see many Chinese, but all restaurants taste bad. Do all Chinese move to America and forget how to cook? Who's General Tso and why does he make chicken?
Because I can't eat Chinese food, I have to eat laowai food. There are many kinds of food in New York I find. I was surprised not all laowai eat at KFC and McDonald's. I saw not many people eating lots of hamburgers and fried food. They tell lies in China.
I found good food at little restaurant across river from city. I had difficult time ordering because it was in laowai language that wasn't English. So, I ordered one of everything. They said food came from foreign land below America--I forget name. Why do they speak English but have menu in other laowai writing? Anyway, it tasted good but needed more spicy.
We finished off the day at very old bar in city. Bars in China don't look like this. I was very unhappy, they did not have Tsingtao. There also were no dice to play drinking game with.
Because I can't eat Chinese food, I have to eat laowai food. There are many kinds of food in New York I find. I was surprised not all laowai eat at KFC and McDonald's. I saw not many people eating lots of hamburgers and fried food. They tell lies in China.
I found good food at little restaurant across river from city. I had difficult time ordering because it was in laowai language that wasn't English. So, I ordered one of everything. They said food came from foreign land below America--I forget name. Why do they speak English but have menu in other laowai writing? Anyway, it tasted good but needed more spicy.
We finished off the day at very old bar in city. Bars in China don't look like this. I was very unhappy, they did not have Tsingtao. There also were no dice to play drinking game with.
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