BZZZZZZ

Chairman Mao has come down with World Cup fever--it's much more dangerous than swine flu as it renders the millions of infected people useless for a month.

Chairman Mao loves to watch soccer. It's a great socialist sport with all the ties--what better way to show how equal the proletariat are. He has also found great joy in the vuvuzelas. For now, China will allow South Africa to claim the vuvuzelas as their own, even though Chinese invented the horns 3000 years ago in Hunan.

After the soccer has finished, Mao plans to eat the mascot as it is very good for vitality. Plus, the big cheetah is sure to taste better than the Fuwa or Haibao.

Your Internet Speech

China published a new whitish paper about its invention of internet policy. China guarantees the freedom of speech of its citizens online. The paper states that "Chinese citizens fully enjoy freedom of speech on the Internet." Chairman Mao agrees that people are free to speaking their open minds online until the censors find and delete the offensive material and send the publishers to labor camp.

The Right Contract

Chairman Mao is proud of Foxconn for doing the right thing for the mental healthiness of its employees. Comrades that taking own lifes by jumping off the Shenzhen office building are causing the company to lose face. But now, Foxconn is making employees sign an agreement to not kill themselves on the company property.

Rather than placing blaming on Foxconn, which is owned by comrades on that rebel island to the east that shall not be named, we should remember that it is the fault of Apple, the foreign-devil corporation, for outsourcing its operation without checking the mentally health of Chinese employees working hundreds of hours a day to make technological advancements that no one needs.

Thank you to Shanghaiist for translating the contract for our laowai friends.