International Friendship

I met this foreign clown the other day. He's not an English teacher, but he cooks at a restaurant. Laowai crack me up. He gave me food, but no chopsticks. How can man eat with no chopsticks? I gave food to fat capitalist at next table.

Must to Follow the Rules

China has many laws that must be translated for the laowai because they don't speak Chinese. This is why I kept laowai out of China--I didn't want to translate for lazy foreign devils.

When going to the beach in China, it is very important to read the directionary signs to know where to go. You can't find the sea without a direction.
When having fun at the beach, you must enjoy the rules. It is for the safety of laowai to not break the laws of China. You also shouldn't eat chou dofu before swimming--it's bad for the fish.

High as a Kite

Few weeks ago, I went with friends to the beach. It's free beach, so many factory workers go on day off from hard labor. It's a socialist beach with Chinese characteristics. But we didn't go to see the ocean or sandy beach--we wanted to see the kites.

The kite was invented by China. It has a long history--almost the same as our glorious 5000 years history of China. All good communists own kites--it provides relaxing and exercise after working 16 hours building our great cities.

That day, we had International Kite Festival. Now people all over the world have Chinese kites to fly. There were many laowai from waiguo flying kites on the beach. Some of those laowai fly kite very good. They didn't let this great leader fly a kite though, they said I wasn't big enough. So I sent them to labor camps.
After the Kite Festival, we walked around city looking for food. We found another great sign of Chinese civilization: the great waving cat. In Chinese we call it mao. Above is a picture of Mao on mao. It's funny Chinese joke.

Happy Laowai Everyday

I warmly wish Thanksgiving Day to my laowai friends. Hope you happy everyday... What's that? Thanksgiving not today? Well, it's thought that counts. Go eat more turkey fat capitalist pigs.

Chairman Mao's Book Club

I very like reading books. Knowledge is power. I think people need read more books in China. My laowai friend gave me a present of a book but it's not in laowai language--it's Chinese.

The book named Fahrenheit 451 by some old laowai Ray Bradbury. I think I enjoy reading this book. It's about government control people. But I don't understand why use "Fahrenheit" and not Celsius. Stupid foreigners don't know metric system. That's why China is better.

欢迎请进--Welcome, Please Enter

你好同志们和老外们。 我叫毛泽东。
Hello comrades and laowai. My name is Mao Zedong. You may remembering me from leader of China. You thought I died. I am still live. Lately, I have living in south of China near Hong Kong. I spend my time traveling and learning English. I have laowai English teacher from America--he's a capitalist pig.

Here's a picture of my with my laowai. His English name is Homer Simpson
I hope you will joining me as I show you my world.