Happy Cows

Let us warmly welcome our niu year and its golden calf. All over China, we will wear red underwear to show the evil spirits how lucky we are.

Spring Festival has very long history in long history of China. Tonight all Chinese families will gather to watch CCTV special program. This tradition dates back to Tang Dynasty and the establishment and world-famous invention CCTV.

After wonderful and glorious performances for billions of Chinese everywhere, we will play fireworks in the air to scare away evil ghosts that will steal our money. But before we play fireworks, we must toast with tasty baijiu. Gan Bei!

Panda Feed

China has admitted that the bamboo forests that keep our ancient national animal fat and healthy are dwindling because China has many people. Chairman Mao is very sad about thinning pandas. It is of national pride that we make sacrifices for the great panda of China.

Our solution to the problem is a new panda feeding program. Mao urges all comrades to make a great leap forward over the zoo fence and feed the panda! Panda likes the taste of human flesh.

This is very healthy alternative for cuddly critter panda. Humans are high in protein and only contain trace amounts of Melamine.