Weaponized Food Fight

India announced that will use extra-super spicy peppers to fight terrorism. India knows that terrorists can't eat spicy, so this is how they'll know those people are evil.

In response, China will begin weaponizing stinky tofu to combat separatists. All the capitalist roaders and foreign devils can't stand the smell of China's greatest cuisine. We will fill our streets with the stink of tofu freedom and rid the great Communist nation of evil forces.

Stinky tofu is also an effective weapon against vampires and werewolves.

The Tyger

Tyger! Tyger! Buring bright
In the fireworks of Beijing tonight...

同志们春节快乐！Happy Year of Tiger from Chairman Mao!

A Perfect Gift

According to a poll of everyone in China by the China Daily, the most renowned news source in the world, many Chinese will give the gift of cigarettes to loved ones this Spring Festival.

Nothing says "I love you and want you to live a long and happy life" like a carton of cancer sticks.

新年 [cough, cough, wheeze] 快乐！

Showing We Care

China always wants to be at the forefront of caring about the needs and human rights of others.

We're Rich

Some laowai says that China will be worth $123 trillion dollars in the year 2040. Chairman Mao is very happy that China will have some many riches. But he also sees a downside to that money. Why do laowai count Chinese money in US dollars? Chairman Mao predicts that in 2040 that $123 trillion will be worth 15 RMB.

Free and Open

Zhou Xisheng, great Chinese deputy chief of Xinhua News Agency (founded 4500 years ago), told the world what Chairman Mao already knew. "Our country's Internet situation is unique. Compared to all kinds of restrictions in foreign countries, China has the most open Internet in the world."

Comrade Zhou is exactly right. Everything that passes through our impenetrable Great Firewall is freely accessible to anyone who pays to access the Chinese internet, which we discovered hundreds of years before Al Gore did.

Royal Realty

House prices are getting higher and higher in China nowadays. Chairman Mao can barely afford to buy more houses in Beijing. It's gotten so out of hand that even the King of Englishland is dealing in Chinese real estate.

From Copenhagen

Chairman Mao is back from great climate debate where we debated the existence of climate in our harmonious society. We determined that it has always been an inseparable part of China and we condemn foreign imperialists trying to taking it from China.

In effortness to further maintain control of what belongs to China, we want to encourage all comrades of severe punishments for hurting our climate.

Just a Suggestion

Chairman Mao wants to remind comrades to keeping warm when the weather getting colder. But be safe when warming selfs and always be guided to warming properly.

Snowy Goodness

Snowman Mao wants to remind comrades to stay warm while the government controls the weather in an effort to create a more harmonious society. Mao doesn't need to remind laowai about staying warm because they're covered in hair to keep them warm in China's winter.

Literary Minds Think Alike

Chairman Mao made a new friend on his recently investment tour of New York in an effort to buy the Brooklyn Bridge and many more landmarks. Laird Hunt is a great socialist laowai writer in Foreignland.
He was in New York to promoting new book, Ray of the Star. Chairman Mao doesn't know what this laowai literature is all about, but judging from the title, it must be about how wonderful China is after Mao chased away those capitalist roaders.

Everyone Loves a Hummer

Chinese are very happy that they can now go out and get a Hummer at the car dealer. Pretty soon everyone in China will be getting hummers in their homes.

Chairman Mao wants everyone to know that Hummer is and always has been an inseparable part of China. It's how we roll in the 'Jing.

Sports Nation

That's right, all your sports are belong to us.

And here's the proof: Urbananatomy.com

Next Olympic games all your medals are belong to us too.

Happy China Anniversary Everyday!

Nobody throws a party like the Chinese Communist Party.

Chairman Mao was sipping baijiu and watching the glorious and harmonious National Day parade through Tiananmen Square. He really enjoying to watch the gloriousness and harmoniousness of China's 60th birthday since Mao came up with the wonderful idea of creating glorious and harmonious China.

Just like on Americaland's Thanksgiving, China pardons many pigeons from joining dinner settings. But, people rejoice as they have many other delicious animals to choosing from.
On this glorious day, everyone should be remember the important service of the ice cream men.
Not pictured: the group of "other" political party members before they marched back to prison.

And Chairman Mao's personal favorite highlight of the harmonious parade. Only the best soldiers can wear sexy boots in battle.

Wedding Wars

The wedding is a great Chinese tradition that dates back to ancient times when capitalist roaders called emporers ruled great China. In much places the groom is beaten by friends and family to prevent him from ruining his life by marrying a controlling women. These friends and families just want the man to have baijiu and sing karaoke instead. But, man will overcoming these obstacles and marry pretty girl anyway.

In some places, the efforts of friends and family can be brutal. Some grooms have had to call in the PLA for backup. Love is hell.

Chairman Mao supports the bride the groom fighting capitalist roaders on the way to matrimonials. 加油！