Presidentialtality

While in Americaland for foreign friendship tour, Chairman Mao got to discuss internationally economics with former laowai president Sam Adams. We talked China's intellectual property of 5000 year old inventions and copyright infringement repayments by the all laowai that stole great China's technological advances. President Sam offered Mao beer. It tasted pretty good, but it was obviously pirated brewing technology of Tsingtao.

Seeking Diplomacy

Chairman Mao is visiting foreignland Americaland to coincide with foreign lady Clinton visiting China.

This goodwill tour of Americaland will focus on the need for relationships in relation to economical crisis that threatens all people to lose their jobs. Mao wants to help foreign devils friends, but only if they meet demands respect rights of China.

The first stop on the tour is to see the White House.
What do you mean this isn't the White House? Every Chinese tour book says it is!

Mao in the City

We now return to our great leader's adventures in America...

After days of travel in New York, I want to find Big Apple I keep seeing. Everywhere it write, "Big Apple." All I see are small apples in shops. Where is this big apple everyone talks about?

I started looking on other side of river in New Jersey. All I saw was many tall buildings in the city. No big apple. And it wasn't in Jersey City either.

After other side of the river, we tried to go through streets. We saw many things of America. Big famous ice skating rink outside was very nice. There are many communist art inside that capitalist building too. But still no big apple.

I thought capitalists must hide such a big apple in Wall Street. After all, that's where all money is to buy such fruit. But still no. I was very upset to not find big apple of New York. But I did get to ride the bull. Weeee!

Eating the Big Apple

For many days I find I can't eat Chinese food in America. I see many Chinese, but all restaurants taste bad. Do all Chinese move to America and forget how to cook? Who's General Tso and why does he make chicken?

Because I can't eat Chinese food, I have to eat laowai food. There are many kinds of food in New York I find. I was surprised not all laowai eat at KFC and McDonald's. I saw not many people eating lots of hamburgers and fried food. They tell lies in China.
I found good food at little restaurant across river from city. I had difficult time ordering because it was in laowai language that wasn't English. So, I ordered one of everything. They said food came from foreign land below America--I forget name. Why do they speak English but have menu in other laowai writing? Anyway, it tasted good but needed more spicy.

We finished off the day at very old bar in city. Bars in China don't look like this. I was very unhappy, they did not have Tsingtao. There also were no dice to play drinking game with.

Chairman Hits City; City Stands and Takes It

Chairman Mao has returned from his extended trip to the United States. It was not a good will mission, nor was it diplomatic in any way. It was his holiday, and he did what he wanted. Here are his thoughts:

Greetings comrades,

This was first trip for me to see meiguo. For some reason they like to call it America. Why can't they use Chinese name? Anyway, my laowai friends invited me to visit the big city of New York. I had difficult time following laowai friend because there are too many other laowai in New York.

Our first stop was the big green lady in the river. What's her name again? Oh yeah, Liberty.

I thought it rude that the lady in the water showed me her back side. When we first arrived.

But she made up for it later. She really is a classy lady, but she's too old for Chairman Mao.
Next episode: Chairman does Lower Manhattan.

Chairman's Holiday

Chairman Mao is on holiday in Foreignland America. He's busy seeing the sights on his first visit to the country--the journey will take him around New York, Washington, and other laowai places. He'll share his thoughts and manifestos with his fans as soon as he finds the time.

High as a Kite

Few weeks ago, I went with friends to the beach. It's free beach, so many factory workers go on day off from hard labor. It's a socialist beach with Chinese characteristics. But we didn't go to see the ocean or sandy beach--we wanted to see the kites.

The kite was invented by China. It has a long history--almost the same as our glorious 5000 years history of China. All good communists own kites--it provides relaxing and exercise after working 16 hours building our great cities.

That day, we had International Kite Festival. Now people all over the world have Chinese kites to fly. There were many laowai from waiguo flying kites on the beach. Some of those laowai fly kite very good. They didn't let this great leader fly a kite though, they said I wasn't big enough. So I sent them to labor camps.
After the Kite Festival, we walked around city looking for food. We found another great sign of Chinese civilization: the great waving cat. In Chinese we call it mao. Above is a picture of Mao on mao. It's funny Chinese joke.