Anniversaries

Today is June 4, 2009.

On this date in Chinese history a lot of things happened. The first solar eclipse occurred in China in in 781 BC, thus proving that China invented the sun and the eclipse. Emporer Huizong died in 1135. As did Zhang Zuolin. Seems a lot of people died on this day.

But no one in China died on this date in 1989.

Traditional Treatment

Many laowai visited Beijing for to watch champions of China in glory over capitalist foes. But not all laowai came for games, some came for great Chinese culture of 5,000 years. So many peoples came to Forbidden City in center of China capital.

For laowai who do not know, Forbidden City is where evil feudalist emperors lived in ancient China. But Chairman Mao evicted them from large home. China needed space to house great communist leaders. In ancient times, Forbidden City was forbidden and many people would be killed if they entered Forbidden City.

Chairman Mao didn't like the treatment of peasants by feudal emperors. But, traditions die hard. Instead of killing peasants, we just punched them in stomach. Now, even laowai can experience great tradition of China.

Sweeping Up

Today is Qingming Jie. To you laowai, it mean Tomb Sweeping Day. This glorious day has a long and famous history just as the glorious history of China. As is known by all Chinese, on this day we clean the tombs to appease our ancestors in the hopes that they won't turn into zombies and eat our brains. It's always scary when that happens.

So, go out and sweep the graves. Make offerings to your ancestors. We don't want more zombies like we had in 1959. It did not help our young communism at the time. Caused many panic across great Chinese motherland. We had to sweep mother's tomb so that she would go back to sleep and not terrorize the proletariat.

Fight the zombie separatists! Preserve the harmonious society!