Super-duper Computing

China has the world's fasterist computer in the world. Suck on that Foreignland!

Chairman Mao would like to thank Commodore Computers for helping China's super-genius computer geek squad in assembling great computers from Ikea. Wen Jiabao was very helpful with the Allen wrench.

With this greatly designed feat of computer engineering, Chinese can access all 20 government-approved websites in great fastness.

Your Internet Speech

China published a new whitish paper about its invention of internet policy. China guarantees the freedom of speech of its citizens online. The paper states that "Chinese citizens fully enjoy freedom of speech on the Internet." Chairman Mao agrees that people are free to speaking their open minds online until the censors find and delete the offensive material and send the publishers to labor camp.

Free and Open

Zhou Xisheng, great Chinese deputy chief of Xinhua News Agency (founded 4500 years ago), told the world what Chairman Mao already knew. "Our country's Internet situation is unique. Compared to all kinds of restrictions in foreign countries, China has the most open Internet in the world."

Comrade Zhou is exactly right. Everything that passes through our impenetrable Great Firewall is freely accessible to anyone who pays to access the Chinese internet, which we discovered hundreds of years before Al Gore did.

Eco-Magic

As Chairman Mao has said before, China is at the forefront of ecological conservationary environmentaltarianism. All around China, people are caring about the environment by hugging trees. The newest development in the great 5,000-year-old developing country is the ecological toilet.

Chairman Mao doesn't understand the witchcraft involved in the development of plumbing that goes somewhere, but Hu Jintao has assured me that those pipes do not pollute the mainland (but they might lead to the rebellious island off the east coast).

Let us all enjoy the magicianry of saving the environments.

About Dam Time

Chairman Mao thinking it's about time great Chinese socialism embraces technological advancements like Green Dam. We want to move China toward green economy. This wonderfully technology will help everyone embrace harmoniousness online. We don't want that Western biased news or anything very violent, very yellow (that's why it's green).

There are concerns that there are security risks with this new software. Mao wants to say that these risks are intended so Public Security Bureau can better monitor every user in China to help maintain harmony and socialism with Chinese characteristics.

There are also concerns that Green Dam is pirated code. Mao wants to point out that China doesn't have pirates. We send many navies to Africa to fight pirates from stealing our code. Besides, the computer was invented in China in 1643, and therefore all computer codes are belong to us.