Mao in the City

We now return to our great leader's adventures in America...

After days of travel in New York, I want to find Big Apple I keep seeing. Everywhere it write, "Big Apple." All I see are small apples in shops. Where is this big apple everyone talks about?

I started looking on other side of river in New Jersey. All I saw was many tall buildings in the city. No big apple. And it wasn't in Jersey City either.

After other side of the river, we tried to go through streets. We saw many things of America. Big famous ice skating rink outside was very nice. There are many communist art inside that capitalist building too. But still no big apple.

I thought capitalists must hide such a big apple in Wall Street. After all, that's where all money is to buy such fruit. But still no. I was very upset to not find big apple of New York. But I did get to ride the bull. Weeee!

Eating the Big Apple

For many days I find I can't eat Chinese food in America. I see many Chinese, but all restaurants taste bad. Do all Chinese move to America and forget how to cook? Who's General Tso and why does he make chicken?

Because I can't eat Chinese food, I have to eat laowai food. There are many kinds of food in New York I find. I was surprised not all laowai eat at KFC and McDonald's. I saw not many people eating lots of hamburgers and fried food. They tell lies in China.
I found good food at little restaurant across river from city. I had difficult time ordering because it was in laowai language that wasn't English. So, I ordered one of everything. They said food came from foreign land below America--I forget name. Why do they speak English but have menu in other laowai writing? Anyway, it tasted good but needed more spicy.

We finished off the day at very old bar in city. Bars in China don't look like this. I was very unhappy, they did not have Tsingtao. There also were no dice to play drinking game with.

Living Like a Laowai in Lower Manhattan

For some reason, laowai all have to work during Chinese New Year. Why don't they have holiday like all of China? I had to tour New York without the help of my laowai friends. It was very difficult to order laowai food at restaurant. Who is Reuben and why is in my sandwich? Tasted just so-so. I saw many pizza restaurant, but not Pizza Hut. I thought all laowai only ate that pizza. Everyone tells me to eat at Ray's, but too many Ray's to choose.

I took a walk around the city to find the New York Public Library. It's very big and free. I can't believe laowai trust others to return books. I always like to educate more, and reading make improvement. Like I used to say, "Good good study day day up!"

I was very tiring after long flight from China and time with Liberty lady yesterday.

Chairman Hits City; City Stands and Takes It

Chairman Mao has returned from his extended trip to the United States. It was not a good will mission, nor was it diplomatic in any way. It was his holiday, and he did what he wanted. Here are his thoughts:

Greetings comrades,

This was first trip for me to see meiguo. For some reason they like to call it America. Why can't they use Chinese name? Anyway, my laowai friends invited me to visit the big city of New York. I had difficult time following laowai friend because there are too many other laowai in New York.

Our first stop was the big green lady in the river. What's her name again? Oh yeah, Liberty.

I thought it rude that the lady in the water showed me her back side. When we first arrived.

But she made up for it later. She really is a classy lady, but she's too old for Chairman Mao.
Next episode: Chairman does Lower Manhattan.