Hu Visits Foreignland

Harmonious Chinese leader Hu Jintao is on visiting trip to Foreignland to have dinner with Obama. It is historical vacationing for President Hu. He is discussing details of glorious economical deals with Foreignland. While foreigners complaining about intellectual property, Hu is responding thusly, "In 5000 years history of harmonious China, all your inventions are our intellectual property as was discovered during Huang Dynasty. You owe us royalties plus interest." Obama agreed to continue advertising campaign for BlockBerry, and will now replace Jackie Chan in selling toxic healthy chemical Bawang anti-hairloss shampoo.

The state dinner event was eventful. Foreigners did not extend enough courtesy to visitors from great China though. How can we eat steak and lobster with chopsticks? And why were staff so upset about throwing lobster shells on the floor? After dinner, we went to Chinatown to eat real food and sing karaoke.

Harmonious Media Control Mechanism

Everyone knows that China has all the money. Everyone is begging great China to buy out the recession. We are doing our part to maintain harmonious society wherever society exist.

This week China bought America's Finest News Source, The Onion. Chinese like onions. We invented newspapers and onions, so why not buy the newspaper named for both inventions. Now great American newspaper is in the hands of socialists with Chinese characteristics.

All will marvel at China's achievement in newspapery! Chairman Mao, as head of the editorial department, will be a beacon of enlightenment, driving out all the foreign hostility toward China from the "news." We will be fair and balanced in our assessment of all things newsy. We will be the harmonious media control mechanism!

Bringing Back the Eunuchs

During great moments in Chinese communist history with Chinese characteristics, Chairman Mao threw away eunuchs from the Forbidden City (along with other useless parts). Mao only wanted pretty girls wandering through his Forbidden City (which is why it was forbidden).

It seems that some businessmen in Singapore are bringing back the eunuch practice with help from their "secretaries." Foreign Devil news reports that a woman bit off her boss' penis while providing her secretarial duties in the parked car.

Chairman Mao wants to remind all comrades to practicing safe sex and prevent the re-introduction of eunuchs to Chinese society.