We're Rich

Some laowai says that China will be worth $123 trillion dollars in the year 2040. Chairman Mao is very happy that China will have some many riches. But he also sees a downside to that money. Why do laowai count Chinese money in US dollars? Chairman Mao predicts that in 2040 that $123 trillion will be worth 15 RMB.

Everyone Loves a Hummer

Chinese are very happy that they can now go out and get a Hummer at the car dealer. Pretty soon everyone in China will be getting hummers in their homes.

Chairman Mao wants everyone to know that Hummer is and always has been an inseparable part of China. It's how we roll in the 'Jing.

Harmonious Media Control Mechanism

Everyone knows that China has all the money. Everyone is begging great China to buy out the recession. We are doing our part to maintain harmonious society wherever society exist.

This week China bought America's Finest News Source, The Onion. Chinese like onions. We invented newspapers and onions, so why not buy the newspaper named for both inventions. Now great American newspaper is in the hands of socialists with Chinese characteristics.

All will marvel at China's achievement in newspapery! Chairman Mao, as head of the editorial department, will be a beacon of enlightenment, driving out all the foreign hostility toward China from the "news." We will be fair and balanced in our assessment of all things newsy. We will be the harmonious media control mechanism!

Economic Recovery

China is at the forefront of economy recoverization in the world. Chairman Mao supports the great efforts of the Communist Party in creating harmonious economics.

As part of our recovery program, we must help other countries so that they may help China's economy. We made advertising deals with world leaders--starting with Obama and our newest BlockBerry technology product. All proceeds from these advertisings will go toward improving China's economy, which will benefit the world when we have enough money to buy everyone.