A Perfect Gift

According to a poll of everyone in China by the China Daily, the most renowned news source in the world, many Chinese will give the gift of cigarettes to loved ones this Spring Festival.

Nothing says "I love you and want you to live a long and happy life" like a carton of cancer sticks.

新年 [cough, cough, wheeze] 快乐！

Everyone Loves a Hummer

Chinese are very happy that they can now go out and get a Hummer at the car dealer. Pretty soon everyone in China will be getting hummers in their homes.

Chairman Mao wants everyone to know that Hummer is and always has been an inseparable part of China. It's how we roll in the 'Jing.

Chinglish the Bodyguard

Chairman Mao demands all comrades to protect the great culturality of Chinglish that has existed in China for 5000 years. I agree wiht China Daily columnist that Chinglish is not a cheap joke for waiguoren.

Mao hole-heartedly agrees with comrade commentator Huaqiqiao when he says, "English great language, but not perfect. Too much rubbish, too much big talk, too much paraphernalia, too much filibluster, too much soliloquies, too much French. We Chinese must help English friends improve their language, so we Chinese must keep on gurgitating Chinglish. Go Chinglish Go!" Mao believes English should delete all French from English until French stop talking to China's enemies.

Comrades are also encouraged to visit beautiful city of Yangshuo and order delicious dishes from Chinglish menus. The Chairman's Choice for best dishes include The Sauce Explodes the Chicken Rabbit, Yellow Cooks in a Covered Vessel the Beer Chicken, and Randomly Cooks.

Fitting

Chairman Mao has found a store that fits the concept of "socialism with Chinese characteristics." He has also learned of new English word, "meh." Both of these go together perfectly for the Chairman's Choice of retail outlets.

Shop here for all your needs...sort of.

When Maos Fly

It's amazing how excited people in China get when they see a mao 猫 with wings.

That mao may have wings, but this Mao 毛 can fly.

Thanks Red Bull*.

Red Bull is the Chairman's Choice for energy drinks.

Beer of Choice

I am new spokes-chairman for greatest Chinese beer company in the world. Great stock choice too. Tsingtao beer is the Chairman's choice. Cheers to comrades and laowai! 干杯！