Presidentialtality

While in Americaland for foreign friendship tour, Chairman Mao got to discuss internationally economics with former laowai president Sam Adams. We talked China's intellectual property of 5000 year old inventions and copyright infringement repayments by the all laowai that stole great China's technological advances. President Sam offered Mao beer. It tasted pretty good, but it was obviously pirated brewing technology of Tsingtao.

Seeking Diplomacy

Chairman Mao is visiting foreignland Americaland to coincide with foreign lady Clinton visiting China.

This goodwill tour of Americaland will focus on the need for relationships in relation to economical crisis that threatens all people to lose their jobs. Mao wants to help foreign devils friends, but only if they meet demands respect rights of China.

The first stop on the tour is to see the White House.
What do you mean this isn't the White House? Every Chinese tour book says it is!

Living the Dream

Chairman Mao would like to remind everyone that experience is not necessary to construct or live in a villa in China. No experience, no problem!

Fire Water of Vietnam

Even Chairman Mao is a little confused by the Chinglish on this sign. I guess we're not supposed to cook the fish we catch in the river.

Follow Hu

China is at the forefront of harmony in the world. Our society follows the example of Mr. Hu Jintao and his pledge to be harmoniousness. We believe in alternative lifestyle living harmony in our society side by side.

Happy Cows

Let us warmly welcome our niu year and its golden calf. All over China, we will wear red underwear to show the evil spirits how lucky we are.

Spring Festival has very long history in long history of China. Tonight all Chinese families will gather to watch CCTV special program. This tradition dates back to Tang Dynasty and the establishment and world-famous invention CCTV.

After wonderful and glorious performances for billions of Chinese everywhere, we will play fireworks in the air to scare away evil ghosts that will steal our money. But before we play fireworks, we must toast with tasty baijiu. Gan Bei!

Panda Feed

China has admitted that the bamboo forests that keep our ancient national animal fat and healthy are dwindling because China has many people. Chairman Mao is very sad about thinning pandas. It is of national pride that we make sacrifices for the great panda of China.

Our solution to the problem is a new panda feeding program. Mao urges all comrades to make a great leap forward over the zoo fence and feed the panda! Panda likes the taste of human flesh.

This is very healthy alternative for cuddly critter panda. Humans are high in protein and only contain trace amounts of Melamine.

Merry New Year

Chairman Mao wants to wish every laowai merry everyday in the happy new year.
The Chairman will be partying with his good friends Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao at his private estate.

Post-Xmas

Now that China is finished celebrating Western holiday without religion or tradition, we must get back to business. Chairman Mao has been helping to educating the youth of China with wonderful poetry and nationalism of wonderful China.

Chairman Mao is also very happy that Shanghaiist has found representation of this educational platform worthy of showing to whole world.

Please visit Shanghaiist to watch adorable children of China recite the Chairman's poetry.

Dear Santa

Chairman Mao is anticipating the coming holiday season. Ever since former labor camp volunteer Deng Xiaoping decided China should be open-mindedness to western countries, many Chinese have found other holidays that don't have meaning in 5,000 years history of China. Now days in China, we make all products for laowai Christmas. We make toys, hats, and fake trees.

Many of comrades don't know true meaning of Christmas. Every year some old laowai flies through Chinese airspace, dodges our high technology anti-aircraft missile defense, picks up toys from factories in Shenzhen, and flies to laowai houses all over the world. He even leaves some toys for us Chinese too. I also keep hearing other story about this holiday, but I never found who this Jebus laowai is anyway.

This year, Chairman Mao got his own reindeer and sleigh. Going to deliver Christmas greetings to all laowai in China. I know all laowai in the world celebrate this new holiday.

Poet Mao

In recently times, Chairman Mao made new friend with poet. He's from Vietnam but he's not communist, so he must be a capitalist roader. But, Mao thinks Linh Dinh is nice enough to be praised for poetry. Besides, no poet is true capitalist swine--we all know poets are poorer than farmers. Even Mao was once world-famous poet before becoming great famous leader of China. Linh Dinh and Mao both wrote beautiful poetry together.
Swimming

I drank moment ago water
Changsha's and ate fish Wuchang.
Now I cross Yangtze River's great,
looks far distance place open day Chu.
Let wind and the very rough sea waves the attack defeats,
goes far beyond stands by strolls in a courtyard.
Today, I felt relieved.
“This is a class host says --
'therefore, the matter escapes gradually!' "
The sail moves wind.
Turtle and Snake still in.
Great plan in march:
Bridge will fly to north the span and south,
talked about the profound fissure to turn the thoroughfare;
Rock head wall the upstream western area
will hinder Wushan's cloud and rain
until the smooth level of the lake rise narrow canyon.
Woman deity's mountain area, if she still existing
can exclaim in surprise in the world, in order to change.

The Chairman Orders You

Chairman Mao urges all comrades and foreign devils alike to vote for me. I know this is communism, but some laowai think it good idea to hold democracy in China through little election process to stroke one's ego. Many bloggers in China have poor self image and need reassurances that they aren't worthless. Chairman Mao knows he is great, as is wonderful China. However, Chairman Mao wants to make sure everyone across Chinese-invented magical information Internet super-elevated train to Lhasa mechanism who is still boss of China.

So, go to Chinalyst and tell capitalist swine who is great leader of Internet by clicking little adding sign next to Chairman's blog.

We must defeat the capitalist bloggers! Keep Chinese Internet Communist!

Fitting

Chairman Mao has found a store that fits the concept of "socialism with Chinese characteristics." He has also learned of new English word, "meh." Both of these go together perfectly for the Chairman's Choice of retail outlets.

Shop here for all your needs...sort of.

Chinese Business Model

In China's much impressive rapid economic development model, Chinese stress importance of originality in business. Chairman Mao has encouraged the people of great China to embrace new ideas and develop Western-style businesses with Chinese characteristics to make many money.

We have many wonderful businesses that are original, such as coffee shops (which were invented in China four thousand years ago),

Pizza cafes (which Marco Polo stole from us),

And ice cream parlors (OK, we stole that one from the Mongolians).

Blame Bill Gates

Chairman Mao wants to apologize for his absence following the Beijing Olympic and Paralympic Games. He was very worn out from greeting all the laowai and introducing them to the joys of Moutai baijiu.

To relax, Chairman Mao has been surfing the Internet and enjoying himself in social networking. But all is not well in China computerland. Microsoft gave the Chairman a black screen of death. He can't understand why this would happen when he paid the street vendor 10 Yuan for his new copy of Windoors.

But don't worry, Chairman Mao will be back soonly with new adventures...just as soon as he sends the street vendor and Bill Gates to labor camp.